Flat BoobsPap-smear last week, mammogram today – boy, this is the most action I’ve had in 2 years!

And gee – it all felt so good, I bet if I hurry and schedule an appointment, I can probably squeeze in a colonoscapy by the end of the month!

Getting a mammogram (my first) isn’t bad if you don’t mind having your boobs wedged in between a pair of life-sized vice grips and then getting them squashed beyond all recognition, not to mention the cerebral palsy positions you have to stand in and “don’t move” while having them x-rayed.

The nurse with the frozen hands told me that she didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary on the digital screen. Oh, except that I may be called back if they need to push on some of the breast tissue in order to separate it.

What the hell does that mean? If that’s the case, I think I’ll just skip the medical formalities of getting my boobs smashed again by another “procedure” and just have my brother run them over with his truck.

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